Monday, 7 September 2015

How Far I've Come And Yet To Go
September 07, 2015

How Far I've Come And Yet To Go

     source - tumblr

Recently I've been reflecting on the progress I've made with regards to my mental health and what I've accomplished. Sometimes it can be difficult to see yourself from an outsider's point of view, or even a previous version yourself. I find that I often forget what I used to be like, how much I have improved my outlook on life. It's been almost one year now since I decided to come off anti-depressants as they were not working much for me. I spent a year making every effort to beat the negative voice in my head, and then my improvements kind of plateaued. and since then I've felt like my emotions have been blunted. 

For the past year I haven't felt as strongly as I wanted to, not particularly happy or sad, excited or mad, confident or confused. I still enjoy things, and love being distracted by seeing the world, but not as much as I know I can. It's like everything has it's edge taken away, and I feel it everyday. I had settled with the fact that I could distract myself as I have improved enough for my depression to be tolerable. Tolerable, it only dawned on me recently that just shows much I have developed and improved. I used to struggle every single day, putting myself down with doubts, insecurities and self-hate. Now I feel my emotions blunted and have low days, but have little tolerance for negative thoughts and have gained a lot of confidence. I've been distracting myself for a year, which was probably a much needed break from tackling my depression as change is never easy. Now it's time for round 2, let's try and hit the next milestone.

First things first, I need to address the things I have achieved which would have been impossible if hadn't tackled depression. I've:
  1. Been in a steady positive relationship for around 17 months with a gorgeous girlfriend.
  2. Achieved a 1st average in the 2nd year of my degree.
  3. Worked in a high-pressure environment in a restauraunt for 3 months.
  4. Organised travelling to Thailand for a month with Rachel.
  5. Went travelling to the Azores with two of my best friends.
  6.  Creating and maintaing this blog. 

I'm sick of unproductivity, sleeping-in till 1 in the afternoon, and feeling just 'ok'. Bored of getting by and settling for how I feel on that particular day. I should be in charge, and be present for every moment. Enjoying all the good ones and feeling the sad ones. I've come up with a few goals, things to look forward to, and small changes to suceed in round 2. 

1. The last academic year was quite a tough one. I tried not talk about it too much on here as I wanted this blog to be a place about encouraging and sharing positive experiences. The house I was living in was, to put it lightly, a shithole. I've been raised in a house where my parents kept everything tidy, cleaned and organised, the change was a little bit too drastic for me. Thankfully this month I'm moving in with other friends and I'm really looking forward to it. We've got a nice place and seems like it's gonna be a much better dynamic than my previous experiences. 

 2. I'm 21, the age for men's physical prime. One thing that is reccomended time and time again for mental well-being is exercise. I've started going to the gym now in preparation as two of my house-mates go regularly. When I move in I'm gonna start going before classes with them and create a routine for going. Not only will it help achieve peak physical fittness but will get endorphins rushing round on a daily-basis (nothing but good).

3. I've been wasting half of most days by waking up so late. I want to start waking up early to enjoy the mornings for all their worth. By seeing more light everyday and getting more done, I can spend the rest of the day feeling accomplished and happy. To give me reason to wake up in the morning I want to try and cook cool and healthy breakfasts. I've been seeing loads of amazing photos of mouth-watering breakfasts and I really don't want to be missing out, moreover I'm planning to kill two birds with one stone and go the gym in the morning.

4. I want to spend more time in the company of others rather than in my room. Although I'm not the most extroverted, and sometimes struggle to be social, I know that being on my own I'm rather unproductive. If I can break that barrier and focus enjoying myself with friends rather than struggling, then I know I'll be happier. Maybe it'll make me appreciate time by myself more and make me put it to good use rather than playing video-games.

Just to get the ball rolling, I've started driving lessons and got my theory test booked to keep me focused whilst going to the gym daily. If you've been feeling low recently, maybe try and join me and change one of your life-style habits.

Keepin' It Positive,
Francis

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